having a hard time dealing with civilian boss


16 Sep 2011, 05:17 #1

I have only just learned from my VA psychiatrist that I am not the only one having this problem.  I am currently employed for the State of Texas.  I work for a lady who has worked here for a long time.  She has what i call "trust issues".  I feel that she has no idea what its like to have people work for you that have moral codes and values.  I was honorably discharged a year ago for medical reasons.  I served my country for 6 and a half years.  I did a tour in Iraq.  My job involved handling munitions.  a job where if I did not have the moral value to do what was right and have the integrity to do what was right when no one was watching me, people would be dead.  They would die if I did not do what I was suppose to do.  I made SSgt (E5) in the USAF.  I went to Airman Leadership School.  I have a secret security clearance.  So I guess with all this under my belt its hard for me to deal with someone who constantly thinks your trying to pull the wool over her eyes.  I work for Security.  I would assume that there would have to be a level of trust for this job.  Its hard for me to deal with someone constantly questioning my integrity on assumptions.  because it "looks" suspicious.  How do i deal with this?  Its causing me so much anxiety.  I do not get "hey you feeling better?" after being sick for a few days.  instead i am grilled and questioned as if I am a criminal.

Joined: 26 Dec 2010, 17:28

16 Sep 2011, 09:50 #2


Hang in there man. We have a bunch of good folks on here that will be honored to help a brother. I have been in the same boat you are in. A lot of people are the way your boss is. It maybe that she has been burned before so trust is hard for her. Have you and her had a sit down conversation where you discussed this. Jim, one of our brothers on here can give you some good points. He is a manager of a business. Then we have a lot of retired managers. Several of our ladies have had a lot of work experience and I'm sure they will be here also. Just hang in there and keep us posted on what is going on.
Sgt. Deputy Dawg
Last edited by MCL on 16 Sep 2011, 10:03, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 26 Dec 2010, 17:56

16 Sep 2011, 11:54 #3

I agree with Mickey that your boss may have been in a relationship that she got burned in or maybe more than once. Does she treat other males the same way where you work or just you?
I see you see a VA doctor so maybe he needs to readjust your meds, if any, to help you cope with the issues you are having at work. I take lorazepam for anxiety issues which helps cut the edge when I'm feeling jittery. Yep, we all have those days when we feel like we're going to pop. Image
Also, bringing the issue up with your boss may be of some help. She may not realize what she is doing or saying. Some people don't until it is brought to their attention. Just ask her if you can have a one on one conversation with her like Mickey, (MCL) suggested and maybe work things out. Being a SSGT in the service you shouldn't have a problem doing that.
Keep us informed and take care Brother,
USMC 1969 - 1973
Vietnam 69 -70
Echo 2/3 Semper Fi



Joined: 26 Dec 2010, 16:52

16 Sep 2011, 12:13 #4

Welcome to VHV, be sure to stick around and post as often as you like, letting it out among friends does help. if there's anything i can do directly id be glad to ...even call her if needed.  
edit to add            forgot to say thank you for your srvice to our country.
Last edited by ChuLai66 on 16 Sep 2011, 12:18, edited 1 time in total.
              DEC 63 APR 73

Joined: 11 Jan 2011, 16:11

16 Sep 2011, 12:20 #5


I too would like to say "welcome to VHV". A lot of guys here that have "been there, done that", and they will help you if you ask. Keep posting and keep trying. Many have helped me and don't even know it.


Joined: 04 Feb 2011, 11:50

16 Sep 2011, 12:58 #6

Morning Miquel and welcome aboard VHN,,,  You are definitely in a tough spot and I'm not really sure how to defuse the situation or even if that is possible.. Mickey probably had the best suggestion about sitting down and having a one on one with boss. You probably have a better idea whether that will work or not. Is it possible that you haven't worked for her long enough to gain her trust or have you been dealing with her for quite sometime??  This is easy for me to say but try your best to hang in there and remember what you are feeling and going through many of us have been there and ALL of us will support you!!  "Gunny"
Whatchya waitin' fer?

Prop Pusher
Joined: 02 Jun 2011, 23:05

16 Sep 2011, 13:29 #7


First and foremost, welcome to VHV, and thank you for your service. This can be the place you let it all out, instead of at work. A state job is usually a very good job, so try and hang in there brother. Take it all out on us, and not on your crappy boss. Just having a place to vent might help your situation.

There are plenty of guys on here that have, and are, going through the same things. Let them help. You are not alone in this.

Again, Welcome! Looking forward to getting to know you.



16 Sep 2011, 13:43 #8

Miguel, Welcome and we salute you for serving this great country. Trust is something that has to be built. Civilian work force is a lot different than military.I would say to you to work with the VA shrink on the issues you have, if you are taking meds for Depression this can and will cause problems. Write down your problems and discuss this with your shrink, do not try and rely on your memory, write it down on paper and take it with you. Give yourself some time and give the lady ya work for some time. Some of your feelings are probably for the depression which includes anxiety. Irrational thinking is a problem with brain chemicals and it can be difficult for us to understand it even when taking meds for it. Meds can work giving time. No your not crazy. I would do your job and just answer her and explain what you need to her. But do talk to your shrink, don't wait till everything blows up on ya. Hope this helps you. We do understand here, we have been there. Image

Joined: 04 Jan 2011, 23:16

16 Sep 2011, 14:12 #9

Miguel welcome to the group. I can see both sides to this coin as I am on both sides. I manage 250 people but also have PTSD .If you have PTSD you yourself are going to have trust issues with not trusting others. Survival mode. You are also going to have problems with "athority" once again a trust issue because of combat exposure. I myself have a very high level of moral codes and values. I believe in the law. Never been arrested. Not as much as a moving violation on my license for over 45 years. Combat veterans with PTSD have trust issues. I also have issues with athority and was told the only reason I have survied in this job if the fact that I am the boss. I was told once I leave here I would probably never work agin unless it was a job where I controled everything. If you have been diagnosed with PTSD by a medical professional that let her know. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a battle scar a lot of us carry. Come back and talk about it with other vets. It helps.
Last edited by JS6768 on 16 Sep 2011, 14:14, edited 1 time in total.

Joined: 26 Dec 2010, 18:04

16 Sep 2011, 22:16 #10

Being a woman and also a former boss, all I can say is that some women have trouble being a boss. I have seen it too many times, where they get a little authority and it goes to their head. Just hang in there and do the best job you can and bear with it, working for the State of Texas is a good job, especially in today's economy.  Welcome to this forum, there are alot of people that will help you here. It probably is not a trust issue with you personally, but just how she manages. It will be better slowly.